angel of mercy

it just dawned on me.

all this time, i've been jaded, full of angst. bitter and hateful. full of criticisms and thoughts about how cruel this world can get and how i loathe the common man. and that i've heard all the jokes, and everyday i'm growing angrier..and bored.

unhappy with how the cards are being dealt and unsatisfied with how people act in accordance to their environment.. and situation.

in other words, i was pissed off at the man.

but then, like i said, it dawned on me.

being the asshole that i am, i realized, i was actually doing the world a favor.

why?

because all this time i've been good to people. not that i've been a good samaritan or anything, but..good..in general.

the most forgiving..and merciful..person, in this god-forsaken place.

i've been stepped on many times by the most unworthy people. i've swallowed oceans of pride. had my shit kicked in, many times, by the very same people that i made friends with and trusted.

i was a fool, that's why.

what i keep doing is forgiving those people, sometimes even letting them get away with their sins. after all, it's just me who's really affected. it's just pride, after all. damn the pride. of course, there won't be a second chance for them. but that's their problem. like..making a martyr outta myself.

anyway, i figured..hell..i've been doing that for so long now, that'll make me...a saint..no.. wait..

damn!

i'm a friggin' angel of mercy now.

an angel of mercy...on the verge of losing it, everyday. jesus.