helluva place

[absimilliard's adventures part six]

i found the gateway to heaven and hell. and it's been here all along.

as much as i want to, i cannot impart it's location to others, for those who read might embark on their own calamitous journey. which could be a bad idea.

i decided to venture to hell, as it has held so much intrigue for most people. i figured that this is because everybody goes to hell.

everyone's a sinner, y'know. ain't nobody righteous.

okay, so i step inside the portal and within seconds, i find that i am no longer walking on soil, but molten magma. funny how i can't feel a thing, and it doesn't seem to burn me.

i can see the unsteady air generating a dizzying vertigo effect because of the intense heat. there are geysers everywhere, releasing vaporous clouds of scalding steam every two minutes.

"this isn't hell. this is like, the insides of a volcano. but hell, where the hell is hell?" i wonder to myself.

"no. this is just hell's lawn. it's a few more miles away from here. we just hafta follow this dirt path." a voice behind me says.

"what the hell?!" i exclaimed, startled, as i turned behind me and see mars (the genius who looks and thinks exactly like me) catching up and pointing towards the ashen road.

"what's got you here?" i asked, happy that i have somebody to go along for the ride. hell is an evil place, you see, i may need some help.

"well, i figured, it's summertime and the beach is gettin' kinda old. thought i might try somethin' new, y'know." says mars.

"cool. let's walk this ashen highway then." says me.

two hours later, we arrive at the gates of hell.

"hot damn! must be why they call this hell. i've had one hell of a time walking the neverending ashen road, jeez!" says mars.

"yeah dude, the walk alone is hell enough!", says me.

the fifty foot tall black gate opens for us soon as we got nearer. reminded me of mordor, somehow. funny how i can't seem to see anybody opening it for us.

"must be hydraulics, man. or electronics. these guys are state of the art." says mars.

we walk inside and we are greeted by a ginormous three-headed dog bound by twelve inch thick chains. it's breath smells like hell.

"that's one hell of a huge rottweiler, bro, damn!", says mars.

"i think that's cerberus.", says me.

"no, that's not cerberus. cerberus looks like a mosquito.", says mars.

"yeah, whatever. let's keep walking.

"it took us another two hours to get to hell itself.

"jeez. i'm beginning to NOT like this. the walk is hell."

"yeah, this place is hell."

we go inside and see all sorts of people. and they're all partying and drinking and dancing. odd. i thought hell would be a little different. so i ask around and found out that hell is one big party that doesn't end.

hell. booze eternal. damned to drink the damned drink for all eternity.

"this isn't hell, absimilliard, this is heaven!", says mars.

"to hell with this. let's go look for lucifer and get this straightened out. " says me.

"he's gotta be here somewhere.", says mars.

the walk, was one hell of an experience. that's why it's called hell. the term "hell" is pertaining to the long and ardous walk from the portal which sends you in a state of psychological frenzy wondering what kind of place hell might be.