eye between the worlds

they say time heals all wounds.

but how does one heal, if he can't feel time?

i make great effort just to keep my memory intact. knowing for a fact that if i do manage to keep them with me, i'd be at least one memory closer to being whole again. alas, being a person riddled full of unfavorable memories, i battle it out within myself trying to decide whether or not it would be best if i keep those memories. it bothers me, because if i decide not to keep them, would i be able to discard all of them, in a single flawless execution? because if it won't go as planned, i'd be left with a disorganized cluster of events in my mind that will only make more mess of an already messed up mass.

funny how the stuff i wish to scrap latch themselves on to me like hooks, that i can easily forget everything else with little effort as opposed to those i'd rather not remember. life has obscure ways of justifying the irony of a person's difficulties.

as of now, the memories still hurt. and i mean, hurt. but would it be worth throwing these away to fuel my fugue in an attempt to seek immediate salvation knowing that i will be looking back one day and asking myself the same questions i have been trying to answer since the lethe affected me?

i let them stay a bit longer, until i finally find that my soul can no longer bear such burden, and that it is in my best interest and for those involved that i forget. but as long as they're still there, all i can do is let them be. take comfort in the fact that i am not the only individual who is hurting. here's a quote i was given by someone who is dear to me. it's overrated, but it exudes comfort, and it is, in a way, a light at the end of the tunnel.

"pain itself is pleasure. one has to find the mysterious bliss in every hurting. pain is not weakness, nor is it cowardice. pain is strength. pain empowers. with every touch of it, one rebuilds, one regains. what does not kill me, makes me stronger."

holy sh**.