mortal psyche

if i only had my memories back.

i will learn from them, that i may look back and think before i arrive to a decision.

i will realize my mistakes and avoid committing them over again. i'd use them to shape my life, become whole again, and not live in such a small world, knowing only a few things about myself and others.

i'd be more wise, and intellectual, being able to recall the lessons i've learnt and the knowledge i've accrued through experience and doctrine.

i'd recall the names and faces of people i've known, and ask for forgiveness. that i may be able to find my old friends, and reminisce about our adventures and all the fun moments we've had together.

i'd dwell on them, that i may relive happy moments and cherish the miraculous experiences i've had with all the individuals i've shared my life with. in doing so, i will have more reasons for living, and that i won't have to live in the dark, and that when i close my eyes, it will still be as bright as ever, seeing all that i've lived for, totaling the purpose of my life.

had i my memories back.

i'd remember the events that led me to situations, that i would easily conceive, when i think back, what the appropriate action is, to arrogate amnesty. that i may trust myself, knowing that everything is a reflex of my actions, which will lead me to my peace of mind, and freedom, from this caged psyche.

that i may forgive myself, armed with the knowledge of the roots of my transgressions, and that i'd recognize the importance of things and have an idea about the value of the people i have in my life.

that i will not be left out and alienated during reunions, and that i'd be able to actually relate to their stories and not conjure my replies on skin-deep memories and laugh as much as they do. thus, i do not have to pretend that i understand what the others are really talking about.

i'd pray, with indomitable faith, knowing that i am the embodiment of my actions, and that i need not blame anybody, and that i may ask for forgiveness, and be happy, knowing that everything will turn out right in the end.

if only i had, my memories back, it'd be cosmic, but i only have a memory of having memories.