oceans of hurt

came across this article i wrote years back as i rummaged through my old blogs. i'm consolidating my blogs into three major ones, and getting rid of the others, to limit the brain work when i'm on the net.

...

i'm hurtin'.

god, i'm hurtin'. i'm miffed.

i've lost somebody dear to me. and i'm afflicted. i'm trapped inside a world of hurt.

i lose. i'm a loser. i lost her. she let go of me. and even then, sincere words and passionate mouthfuls cannot sway her. especially, her.

i find it hard to express the amount of emotional frustration and heartache i am feeling as of the moment. after pouring epic amounts of thought and taking on what seemed like an endless barrage of chagrin, i'm almost about to freak.

it's my pride. it's killing me.it could've been perfect. it could've been wonderful, and sweet, and passionate, and beautiful. but i missed something somehow. i missed a lot of things, actually.

and it burns. i'm burning deep inside. it pains me to know that i've lost the person i thought i was looking for in this life.

but then again, maybe she wasn't her, because if she was, she wouldn't have left me.

i wanted to tell her how i'm sorry. for being a jerk. for being unreal. for being a total loser. and for not showing how i feel by keeping cold and indifferent.

but the thing is, i do appreciate what she's been trying to do for me. i do, feel strongly for her. i guess it is, too late, to admit that i truly love her.

it hurts realizing i am at fault for such a regrettable loss. now i know that even a heart as cold as mine can melt. just when i thought i can love again.

i know i'll heal. and i'll heal pretty fast. but right now, i'm hurtin' plenty. there's a hole in my soul, it's a real big place, and it's killing me forever.

i do realize that once i do heal, i'll probably come out stronger, but a lot more angrier and i will hate aplenty.

and so.. here's to you. my thanks, for making an angry man angrier. good luck, and i hope you find what you're looking for.

i'm neck deep in an ocean of hurt. and i don't think i'll ever find the shore.

god, it hurts.