salt of the earth

"how do you pick up the threads of an old life? how do you go on when in your heart you begin to understand there is no going back? there are some things that time cannot mend. there are some hurts that go too deep, that have taken hold."

they say you shouldn't let your memories kill you. and that you can make new ones. good ones, can save your life. but i am afraid of judgement. i am afraid to feel happiness. because if it is taken away from me, i fear that i may hope for it again.

i force my mind on other things but it always comes

circling back to her. i pretend i'm alright and put up an elaborate front of mirth and cheer that everyone around me would not think otherwise. yet everything i see is a bitter reminder of what should've been. i force a smile, but the sorrow within manages to make it through the surface.

the darkness in me, keeps me from seeing the light.

i may be nothing special, but i know in my heart i never stopped loving her. and that's more important to me than anything else.

i can go back to the old places, but never in time. i can still see the face of the one i love, but i can never rekindle the flame. the events of the past are merely sunny recollections. a window to a brighter yesterday i would want to gaze upon every now and then.

"i wish i could bring back the past, that i could make the wrong decisions right when i had the chance."

my heart, is an overflowing reservoir of passion. there is not a structure built by human hands that can contain it. every beat is thunder. and every feeling, a breath of life. words are not enough to express my feelings for her. it's more than love. it's the well of eternity.

i cannot let it go to waste.

i regret that i wasn't strong enough. i regret i didn't make the right decisions. i regret i failed to say the right things. i regret i neglected to do what was necessary to keep the relationship alive. had i known prayer would've made a difference i would've prayed for hours on end with enough intensity to bring about the second coming.

there are a lot of things i would've done different. had we met under brighter circumstances i would've made every moment meaningful.

i wish i could say i'll always have her memories, but i know that will never happen. so i'll just keep an image of her in my heart. i'll listen to our song, and think that it could maybe help resurrect some of the passion. i'll stare at her picture and try to imagine who she was, what happened between us, and how we were together.

were we happy? were we passionate? were we.. in love?

all that remains is an idea. a name. the lethe took her away from me. now time is claiming what's left of us. i willl not let go. if an image is all i could have, then it's more than enough to convince me to hold on. i shall embrace it for as long as it takes.

had i been granted more than that, i'd swear on everything that matters to me that i will do better.

it was said that forgetting permits hope to be rekindled and strength regained. but i would trade all that just for a happy memory. i want to remember her. even for just a minute. i will not care if it's genuine or not. if there's one memory i

could keep, i'd rather it be of her.

i'll never stop believing.

but i guess i can only hang on to these things.

"of the rose of the past, we have only it's name.." - umberto eco