how to be an absimilliard

ever wonder what an actual real life absimilliard does everyday? keep thinking what you should do to qualify as an absimilliard? well, here's your step by step guide on becoming one!

the do-it-yourself absimilliard

1. wake up. have a drink.

2. brush your teeth. take a dump. take a bath.

3. shake your hangover off.

4. admire sun.

5. go to work.

6. pretend to be working.

7. fall asleep while working.

8. listen to your boss yell at your incompetence.

9. wrap everything up and prepare to go home.

10. have a drink with your buddies. pretend to be a smart guy.

11. get bored listening to them rant.

12. talk about women.

13. get drunk. make an ass out of yourself.

14. go home.

15. admire moon.

16. blog.

17. mope about all the women you've lost.

18. fall asleep.

19. have nightmares.

20. wake up. repeat steps 1 - 19.

there you go. easy huh? you don't have to follow all of it religiously, except for item number 13, which is key to becoming a real absimilliard. and you can insert more dumps in between items, depending on your bowel movement. if you're doing a graveyard shift, just swap items 15 and 4, and you're good to go.

next up, how to fold an origami absimilliard.

check out the home page for these cool new items:

blow-up absimilliard doll
absimilliard's dating bible
"what not to do in life", by absimilliard
absimilliard 2010 calendar
the adult absimilliard 2010 calendar
"a hundred things to say to spoil a date", by absimilliard
"how to get drunk in five minutes and still save money", by absimilliard