unearthing absimilliard

the monolith is dead! long live the monolith!

circumstance has absimilliard wound so tight he was bound to snap.

and so he did.

no longer a brooding instrument of hate and grief, he has become a ginormous symbol of light and anti-eschatological enema of darwinian proportions. this breakdown has totally separated his three identities into three very different personas.

in the beginning was absimilliard.

absimilliard lived for aeons in solitude until he took it upon himself to do something about it.

so on the first day of the great reformation, he created the blog. and he saw that it was good.

on the second day he said, "the blog hath no life. i shall make it whole and create personalities that others may live on it and consider it gospel." so he fashioned mars out of his own image. and he saw that it was good.

"mine eyes hath seen the light!"

but then he sees mars lonely, crying out to him, "oh mighty absimilliard, whose name is hailed by all bloggers, taut and faulty, please, grantest thine subject relief from this subterfuge! that i may share to the people of your love and spread your word!"

so absimilliard saw fit to create ares, who was crafted from mars' left rib. he took his heart and imbued it on ares. and he saw that it was good. the night left and morning came. that was the third day.

"milord! wherefore hast thou taken my heart?"

"oh shut up. doest naught be a wuss. i have given you the greater share of the brain, and ye shall use it. ares can have the heart, that he shall carry the burden of conscience and indecision."

"gimme blogging priviledges then. that i may post freely the great voices of this beautiful mind."

"alright but.. thine lips spouteth sinful seed, mortal. dost thou speaketh one more unwashed word from thy feeble mouth and i shall have ye removed from the garden of eben."

"garden of eben?!"

"yep. the rottweiler. i named this friggin' garden after the dumb mutt."

so absimilliard saw it fit to create themes and hyperlinks and sublinks and weblinks and underlinks and editlinks and updatelinks and removelinks to encourage individuality.

evening left and morning came. the fourth day.

then absimilliard said, "i shall create sequels, and prequels, and adventures, and fables, and romance, and poetry, and short stories, and all that nonsense, that bloggers will unite under one banner, and worship in its vast expanse." and so grew forth the blog, stretching from the backstories to the subtle fascist political agendas. and he saw that it was good. darkness passed and morning came. the fifth day.

on the sixth day, absimilliard said, "the blog hath no color. i shall allow free will, that there willeth be variety and interaction. no longer will the articles be bland and desolate, but vigorous and radiant!" thus, the comment spaces were created.

and on the seventh day, absimilliard said "this shall be the day of rest for men. no man shall laboriously type any article or snippet unless to comment. henceforth, all shall follow me, and love me without question. for it is my law. hence it is written, hence it shall be so."

"where's it writ, mighty?"

"the effhin' blog, doo! whadda hell ya think?!"

"oh. right. 'course. hey, you headin' to the grocer? 'cause we're totally outta chips."

"stupid chips." says me.

absimilliard is displeased.