living tribunal

burnout. funny how people keep saying that. they don't even know half of what it means. burnt out, is what they believe they feel, when they're stressed. when they're stuck in a tight situation. or whenever they are burdened by whatever it is they think they're doing.

people complain, oftentimes, when they are aggravated by how much work they need to do. and especially when they're buried under tons of paperwork.

burnout.

i never really liked comparing myself with others. it's such a waste of time and effort. but i don't think we should be taking that word lightly either.

my work, be it as it may, is a tough one. a man's job.

i put out fires.

i should be happy if i get to sleep four hours straight at least once a week.

every waking hour, i try not to worry. not to worry about what i'm required to do next. not to worry about how much paperwork needs to be done. not to worry about making mistakes.

to not worry.

this job, has me up all night doing liquidation reports. in the morning i attend meetings with various engineers, geologists, surveyors, and such. i meet with people i don't know, in order to negotiate deals, to make certain arrangements in the interest of making both the company and the other parties substantially happy. i go to various bureaus to bribe department heads and meet with local assets to hand out err.. donations. i am guilty of corruption because i initiate such dispositions. i'm just as evil as the beneficiaries.

i have become an instrument of greed.

every week i travel far to visit related government departments and some local government units to hand out unmarked envelopes to convince them that they are doing the right thing by expediting the processes and applications.

and of course, to thank them for doing such excellent work and to remind them that they are helping a lot of people and that it is all for a greater cause.

i'm kind of like, a bookie. but on a magnified scale.

the only problem i have is my appearance. it's not that i look younger than my age. heck, i look exactly my age. and that's the problem. some people have little regard for youth. so i try to enforce an aura of maturity, and concentrate on establishing presence. and if all else fails, i am accompanied by a loyal secretary who speaks numerous dialects and has a phenomenal talent for softening up tough cracks and lackeys alike.

but in reality, we all speak and understand one language. money.

and everytime i travel, i am reminded why i do what i have to do. it's because i am making the world a better place. when all this is accomplished, there will be jobs for everybody. and the areas we develop will eventually flourish. and i will be happy that i did a little sin, to bring a greater good.

they ask me, whether or not i like what i do, i tell them "yes, i love my job. thank you."

because everyday i learn something new. and most importantly, i feel fulfilled with what i do.

i should get some rest. i'm uh.. burnt out.