eye in the sky

i catch myself gazing at the sky increasingly often, lately.

the daytime clouds seem to astonish me with it's serenity nowadays. and the night sky is ever clearer.

gives me some kinda peace of mind. i find myself getting lost in the clouds all the time.

i remember gazing at the moonlit sky and waiting for shooting stars with my brother, lying on top of our dad's car years back. we were talking about stuff we usually ponder about whenever we have too much time on our hands. stuff about the universe an' all.

he said, it happens a lot when you're young. when you grow older, the rate at which you encounter thoughts about such things seem to die down.

sigh. it's the age. it's getting to you.

i'm still young, i know that fer sure. but my mind is not as souped up as it used to be. i used to worry about a lot of things when i was a kid. simple things, really. things like how i can get past the next stage of the realtime strategy game i was immersed in, how can i solve the mind numbing puzzle of the adventure game i was playing, how i could get more hours off of playing the computer without being caught by my mom, and what on earth would happen to us people if it has been proven that there is, life on other solar systems. cute things like that.

but it's different nowadays. i don't have time to think about such things anymore. it's just work and family. sure i still have time to try out that spankin' new rpg. i can still find time to write down stuff about a game i've been working on, while drinking. but all the things that made me so unique, mentally, when i was young, is gone.

i'm just another jaded, stressed out, beat up guy with a vitamin B deficiency and a serious lack of social life.

not that i don't party. oh i party hard, an' i drink a lot. it's just different nowadays.

sigh. the sun is so much brighter than it used to be. so bright, it blinds. but it's better than nothing. at least gazing at the clouds still give me enough of a vacation whenever i need one.

and the night sky tells me that everything will be okay. there'll be good times, i guess.

better days, brighter times.

my brother was right, somehow. as you grow older, your imagination subsides.

my brother.

good memories.

a break from reality

i decided to take my time off to find my peace of mind and think about stuff.

y'know, like, contemplatin' or somethin'.

lately my calm is being imbalanced by a lot of things goin' on in my mind. things which i shouldn't be thinking or worrying about. it happens to people like me, i guess.

people, like me, get saturated easily. it's because people like me, have little tolerance for the suffocating effects of the harsh reality.

sometimes we just need a break from all these.

reality, is an irrepressible force, and the only choice we have is to either deal with it, or escape from it.

there's really not much of a good choice in those two, i guess. dealing with it means accepting the fact that you are an ant, waiting to be burned by some kid with a magnifying glass who oddly thinks that ants are insignificant in the grand scale of life, hoping for a bit of luck that some strong wind might whiff you away and take you elsewhere. and escaping means giving up on it and leaving it altogether in hopes of finding serenity in unlikely places, only to find out there is nowhere else to go.

it's a little pessimistic to think that way but, it's the truth. life was never too easy for anyone. it's only easy, for those who lack compassion for others, and for those who never felt any kind of emotional or spiritual distress in their entire life.

there are times when i've had it up to here, and the only thing preventing me from flipping out is my decency and sanity.

here's hoping i'd get that much needed enlightenment, somehow.

disenfranchised masses

heard about the local enforcer that had a psychotic breakdown because of abuse.

allegedly, he was kidnapped by an unknown group and was tortured. he was sent back because his mind cracked and he was rendered nonfunctional.

my deepest sympathies to his friends and his family.

in a world full of chaos and deceit, it's mostly the innocent people who are taking the brunt of the devastation.

i do not know the person. nor do i have an idea what he has done, what he was in to, or what he was up against. but i do know one thing, the harm that was done is extremely unforgivable.

what could have happened to him, that made him insane? i can never imagine. how much can one take, before breaking down.

every day i read about crime in the papers. different kinds, be it criminal activity on a large scale or small scale.

the world does not need any more of these.

i don't care about the reasons they give out. this is a life we're talking about.

one day, somebody will have to go apeshit on these criminals. the world is falling apart. and human nature is bent on destruction. other people's heroics are too small a change, on an epic scale.

they're right. we don't stand a chance. maybe we really don't deserve to live.

i'ma angel

angels in disguise.

we've always been led to believe since we were young that these are individuals who are generally kind and that they try hard to help out others in every which way they can.

i don't think so.

they're not all different from us. they have powers alright, but they are not bound to anything but their conscience, and faith. just like we all are. that's why lucifier became the fallen one. being given omniscience by the supreme being, he saw too much of everything, he knew too much, and somewhere along the line, he became twisted. being imperfect, he misinterpreted god's noble purposes and thus, he questioned his nature, and god's decisions.

no angel is free from temptation and deceit. some, are sinful. some, truly noble, just like people. we all know a person who we may consider full of hate and deceit, and being close to demonic , but we also know another individual who are, in our eyes, too much of a good thing. it all depends on that person's integrity, will, belief, and conscience.

not all angels are perfect. nobody is. hell, that guy who pissed you off so much the other day preventing you from having an accident coming to work could be an angel. they all have a different approach. that angel who gave the poor guy a can of coke may or may not have stolen it from some grocery, or from some convenience store.

your best friend could be an angel. your officemate could be an angel. your boss, could be an angel.

you could be in love with an angel, you just don't know it.

hell, i could be an angel.

virtual blogger

i'm inspired.

i've been loitering around an' tryin' out the free text-based online games scattered on the net for the past few hours, an' i came up with a good idea of a free online game i intend to work on, sometime this month.

i'll name it imaBloggin, or virtual blogger, or maybe something else more creative.

it's a free online game, where you play the role of a blogger, and you get to improve your character's blogging skill through posting (of course!), and you need to work your way to the top of the life a' bloggin'.

your goal is to be the most popular blogger,and to make your blog the most popular, or to make it the most profitable, take your pick. you have to keep track of a lot of things though. it's not easy being a blogger.

you'll be creating a character, beefing up his character skills, namely, grammar, spelling, coherence, comprehension, creativity, participation, zeal, an' rate of bloggin' (or lethargy).

you'll be managing your character's blogging activities. you can gain sponsors for your blog, which earns you cash in exchange for letting them advertise on your site. you have to make sure your character is posting interesting articles in there, and you have to keep checking on his progress.

the posts are generated by computing random numbers against your character's stats. which means if your character has excellent grammar, coherence, etc., most likely, he will be creating interesting articles. if your character has a high rate of blogging, then he should be creating articles at unbelievable speeds. like four posts per day or something. go figure.

you also have to manage your character's time. if you choose to be a student blogger, then you have more time for blogging, but you come up with less appealing articles, which can lower the popularity of your posts and your blog. if you choose to be a working blogger, you have less time for blogging, but you have a higher chance of coming up with interesting articles. you can spend your character's game time by having him read and react to other people's posts and blogs, practicing his blog skills, interacting with other bloggers who comment on your blog, or having him take a blog day off, to clear his mind and to come up with new ideas, and a lotta other realistic stuff that bloggers do.

if you interact with other bloggers, it increases your popularity and thus, makes people want to read and comment in your blog more. it also increases your chance of getting new visitors to your blog. and new visitors mean, better chances of winning the random blog awards. and of course, it'll improve your popularity as well.

you win cash prizes for having the most active post within the week, you gain bigger and better sponsors.

your accumulated cash can be used to increase your skills, purchase blog points which you use to enhance your blog functions like archiving and web design or create new blogs in addition to your main site, and a lotta other things.

i'm still trying to figure out what other stuff i need to take into account so i'd come up with a more realistic feel for the game.

i really think it's a spankin' idea. an' i feel good about it too.

i'm losing it

it's effhin'.

i can't understand how these people get along with anybody else.

okay. so i'm in an elevator with this older lookin' lady. i got off, right after she did. she was swipin' her badge onto the automated lock an' it was being rejected.

i was there earlier, an' i had to submit my badge because they (the security guys) were reformattin' the badges because they made changes to the swipers.

i observed that the lady was cranked up because she kept swipin', an' the door won't open. actin' all polite and fulla respect, i walk up the lady an' in a polite and soft tone of voice, an' with an embarassed smile embossed on my face, i said, "oh, it won't work. they had to change the locks."

she did not look behind her, as if she didn't hear me. she kept swipin'.

she effhin' swipin'.
she effhin' tryin'.

keeping my cool an' swallowing the growin' lump a' pride in my throat, i rephrased. "ahurmm, it doesn't work, ma'am, they're reprogramming the locks."

"huh?!", she said.

i am positive that she heard what i've been saying. "they changed the locks, your badge won't work.", i repeat.

"why?", she asks in a rude tone a' voice.

"they're... changing... the... changing... the... ahem...the locks... ma'am.", i stammered, an' beginnin' to get bent outta shape.

"and?!", she says, kicking me around.

"excuse me?", i blurted, as i looked at her badge and notice that she's all outta rank. just another employee with an attitude problem. sonofagun.

she didn't say anything else afterwards. the door was opened immediately by security soon as they noticed us behind the glass door an' i got in after she did.

the ugly bitc*. she was ugly, man, she was ugly fer real. inside an' outside. i mean it. she's horrendous.

she's the poster child for psychosomatic disturbance.

it's not what she said.

it's how she said it.

it's pisses me off just thinkin' about it.

it's effhin', man, it's effhin'. i'm effhin' displeased. i'm effhin' pissed.

an' i was effin' polite an' all smilin' an' shi*. she's effhin' rude.

it's the little things, y'know. tells everything you need to know about a person.

cloud castles

my mind plays tricks on me.

whenever i sleep, i dream of things. events which supposed to have happened in my life, but i simply don't have any recollection as to when or if, such occasions really happened.

so i'm left with memories that i believe are mine, but really don't have a use for them.

i would, if i was made up of my memories. but i am not. i believe a man is not the sum of his memories, but a man is made up of what he is, and what he chooses to be.

i have memories of certain events i never recall participating in. i remember things, situations, instances, but they're too vague, i can't make anything out of them at all.

i have an idea of what is happening in a particular memory, but i don't see faces. i don't see colors. i just hear names. names, which change, everytime.

the names change. the personalities in my memories change. the outcome of a particular memory shifts from one result to another. it's the same memory, only, the actors are different. it's the same memory, but now it's telling me that it was somebody else in that memory.

i remember somebody tell me something unforgettable. a few memories afterwards, it's just me in that memory. it's just me telling myself that unforgettable statement.

i remember i'm drinking coffee, a while ago. i go back to clean it up, i see no coffee cup. i wasn't drinking coffee. strange.

i know i wrote somethin' down on a piece of paper, and i remember putting it in one place. i see no paper. i don't see a note.

odd.

i guess i can't trust my memories anymore.

it's pretty difficult, trying to continue things that never really happened. it's hard, trying to rely on a memory that eludes you, when it's all you have.

it's hard, saying "i can't remember..", all the time, whenever somebody tries to open up a conversation that sends me digging up memories.

i remember walking out of a castle, but looking back, i don't see a castle. i only see clouds.

transdimentional dementia

[absimilliard's adventures part five]

after studying the results of my previous experiments, and through intense research, i concluded that time travel alone, is a ridiculous undertaking. in order to generate the ideally canned situations in the movies, i must pair time travel with transdimensional travel.

now that's a more practical approach to this whole time-space thing.

alright, so now our scientists, having invented a means to travel through time, and learning from my ahem..postulations, decided to create a transdimensional err..travelling machine.

they figured, if they have conquered the speed of light, and having mastered the art of time travel, why not create the ultimate mode of transport?

transdimensional travel.

the shortest distance between two points is no longer a straight line. the shortest distance between two points, can be achieved by folding the fabric of space such that the two points are conjoined, and the subject can literally step from one dimension to another.

this transdimensional travelling machine also happens to solve our distance issues. like if we were travelling from earth to another star. we can literally rip open the fabric of space and time to obtain a pathway from this planet to another which could be millions of light years away.

remind me to try that some other time. but first, i have to deal with the transdimensional issues within this beloved planet.

if i wanted to see how i would fare in the future, i'd have to ride the ferrari time-machine again and traverse forward in time to ten years from now, and hitch a ride on a transdimensional ferrari, which will end up in me being in a place ten years from now, and in an alternate future.

ecstatic, i leap inside the time-machine. i fast forward to the future with a grin carved on my face.

i ran into mars again. the genius who happens to look and think exactly like me.

"dude, you haven't aged a day since you left to perform that time-travel experiment! what did you find out?", says mars.

"nothin' man. just more unanswered questions. i'm not here to do that though. i'm here for the transdimensional travel thing, y'know.", says me.

"oh, right. i heard about it. cool. awesome stuff, dude. well goodluck to ya, an' i hope you find what yer lookin' for.", says mars.

"yep. thanks. will do. i'll see you around man.", says me, leavin' an' hoppin' inside the transdimensional ferrari.

pushing on the button labeled "TDN (transdimensional nitro)", i saw time-space fold in front of my eyes.

it was a jaw dropping view. the transdimensional jump sensation was so overbearing, i felt tears roll down my cheeks.

"sob. i'm really doin' it."

first thing i did was look for myself, of course, in this alternate future. when i saw this other version of me, he was startled. he did not expect to see himself. turns out, in this alternate future, they have no time-travel, or transdimensional travel. they don't even have space travel.

hmm. this place is reality. i better get out of here.

i landed on one dimension wherein i was never born.
i landed on one wherein i couldn't speak english. just spanish.
i landed on one wherein i was a total dumbass.
i landed on one wherein i was still genius, without the sarcasm.
i landed on one wherein i was stuck in a time loop.
i landed on one wherein i am writing on this blog.
i landed on one wherein i just finished writing on this blog.
i landed on one wherein i was dead.
i landed in lotsa other dimensions. everytime, experiencing the same tearful sensation of transdimensional jumpin'.
and each time, telling me a different story.

it got me thinking. this is pointless. there's an infinite number of alternate realities, each of them telling me that this could have happened if i made such a choice, blablabla, it goes on an' on.

it was just like watching tv an' switching channels. only, i can totally experience everything an' i have multitudes of channels. hmm..an immersive way to watch tv! neat but, it gets old.

i found myself going back to my original dimension and heading straight back to my original timeline.

transdimensional travel isn't as much fun as it promises to be. it takes an infinite number of lifetimes to fully explore all possibilities of alternate futures and realities.

none of them with answers to my questions.

cleansweep

i'm confused.

for a person like me, it seems common enough.

apart from the fact that my mind isn't functioning very well due to the punishment it has undertaken (yes, absimilliard's adventures has atrophied my brain, and he tells me that he'll be back to deal more damage), i am harassed by my conscience.

my buddy approached me with a cranky face.

"what's goin' on?", says me.

"the damned janitor, that's what's goin' on!", he exclaims, and then tells me about his pickle.

i had the same experience as him.

and i know everyone's been through this one.

i know a janitor's job isn't very easy. i know the pressure can sometimes be a bit**.

let me give y'all a little situation here.

it was raining outside, an' i just stepped inside the mall. i feel the airconditioning get to me, it's damn cold, and as a result, my kidney tells me that i best unjuice. i enter the men's room.

comin' from outside the mall, and considering that it was raining outside, my shoes left a pile a' mud. and yes, need i say that absimilliard is a neatfreak, he hates dirt an' mud an' molds an' mildew? yes, i did take time to brush off mud from my shoes using the bathroom's intensely rubbin' an' cleanin' doormat. which means any clinging particles in my shoes would stay, unless the removal process was aided by somethin' else.

okay, now there's this janitor, and he's moppin' up the bathroom hall with unimaginable finesse. i looked at his progress and noticed, there's nowhere else to step onto for me to get to the cubicles. so i figured, it's okay for me to step on his work where it's almost about to dry up. he'd mop it up anyway. i had no choice.

wrong!

soon as i passed, i looked back and saw i left shoeprints. i glanced at him and noticed him shook his head and mutter somethin' i figured could be unwell for my domesticated ear, and inappropriate, considering the situation. after i let out my spamjuice, i noticed he was still merrily a-moppin'.

remembering what he did a minute ago, i smirked and passed again, leaving an inglorious trail of prints. i know i'm decent, and i only did what was necessary for my kidney. so why was he so contemptous about it? it's his job. if he doesn't like what he's doing, he best check himself out that job.

i know i shouldn't laugh about what just happened, but i humbly educe that he is not a nice person. so...hahahahahahahahaha! stick that mop up yer friggin' gasser!

time has no answer

[absimilliard's adventures part four]

realizing that i can never find the answers by myself (see "myself in the future"), i figured that i may yet need the help of another individual.

yes, mars, my genius friend, who happens to look exactly like me.

i approached him as soon as the idea hit me.

"i'm gonna need your help again, dude. since i realize i cannot do this alone.", says me.

he agrees. of course he does.

the plan was, for both of us to keep track of events, while i travel back and forth to the future.

i hurried back to the time-warpin' beast of a machine to jump to the future, ten years from now, to talk to mars of the future, ten years from now, because we thought that ten years from now, with his help, we would have already figured out the missing formula to cancel out the theory a' redundancy.

here's the chronological order of events, as listed in my logbook.

1. i jump to the future, ten years from now.
2. i talk to mars of the future, ten years from now.
3. he has no answers for me, since he's been waiting for me ten years, since i disappeared.
4. i jump back to the past, a day after the present day. which means i did not exactly go back to talk to the present-day mars.
5. i talk to the "a day after the present-day-mars" mars.
6. he does not know anything, he just tells me that i spent one day in the future and i just arrived, with notes which is supposed to be from ten years after yesterday.
7. i jump back to the future, ten years from yesterday.
8. mars claims i went back a day after i left for the future, and did not show up until now, which is ten years after the day i first went to the future.
9. he does not have any recollection of my first trip to the future. all he knows is that he wrote in his log that i arrived a day after i first left for the future, claiming that i've been to the future, ten years after i first left.
10. i jump back to the present day, bringing the logbook of mars of the future, ten years from the present day.
11. mars tells me i never left, that i just sat in the machine, and got up again, only, my logbook has somethin' written on it, which, he tells me, peppered him with questions, since he never saw me write anything on the logbook.

i gave him his logbook from ten years from now, so i can give him an idea of what i'm talking about.

"i know fer sure that's my damned handwriting, but absimilliard, i haven't even written anything yet! i can't analyze the situation if i really don't know what's happening, and that, to my present-day knowledge, you haven't even left!"

hmm..

dammit, we're goin' around in circles and we're both of us blind.

an' i got to thinkin'...uhh..chronologically..

how can mars have an answer for me ten years from now if he's been waiting for me for ten years to show up with just one entry in my log saying that i'm from ten years ago?
how can mars have an answer for me a day after the present day if a day has passed an i got back just to tell him that i've been to the future talking to mars of ten years from now who does not have an idea of what i've already done?
how can mars have an answer for me in the present day, even if i tell him that i've been to a day from now and ten years from now, if, to his knowledge, i haven't left, and that showing him the logbook will only mess things up for him.

poor soul.

one last attempt. i need to go back to the future again, a day after ten years from now, to talk to mars of the future, ten years and a day from now.

jesus, this time travel thing is making me crazier every minute.

hmm..

12. i jump to the future, ten years and a day from now.
13. i talk to mars, ten years and a day from now.
14. he tells me that this is the first time i appeared, since i first left ten years and a day before now.
15. he does not have any idea what i've gone thru, except that his logbook says that a few seconds since i stepped inside the machine, i stood up and told him that i've been to a day after, ten years after, and ten years and a day after. then it indicated that i disappeared again.

this is ridiculous.

how can mars, ten years and a day from the present day tell me anything, if, he says i just hopped once

into the machine and this is the first time i reappeared?

16. i jump back to the present day.
17. i talk to the present day mars.
18. again, he tells me that i never left. but of course. i understand that.
19. i tell him everything i know, and everywhere (or everytime) i've gone.
20. WTF?!

okay, so i will never figure it out, even if i had an associate.

how can mars tell me something, if, after a day, he says it's the first time i reappeared?
how can mars tell me something, if, after ten years, he says it's the first time i reappeared?
how can mars tell me something, if, after ten years and a day, he says it's the first time i reappeared?
how can mars tell me something, if, whenever i go back to the present time, he says i never left?

please tell me that's not a goddamn loop.

looks like the theory of redundancy applies to both the past and the future.

the answers i am searching for, will not be explained in time, and by time.

i'm looking for the answers in the wrong place, the wrong time, and the wrong way.

looks like the answer i am looking for, must start with metaphysics. that einstein fellow could be right.

notes: things to do.

1. study euclidian geometry.
2. delve deeper into einstein's theory of relativity, and figure out how the lorentz transformations were derived from it.
3. take into account how the galilean transformation can translate to classical mechanics.
4. dig everything you can find about friedman's absolutism/relationalism and invariance/covariance theories.
5. don't forget friedman's hole argument and the spacetime theories viewed as manifolds paired with vector spaces.
6. read the paper by McTaggart, the unreality of time.
7. read about thermodynamics, the second law, which says somethin' about entropy,
8. consider the argument posed by statistical mechanics, which complicates things and practically rules out most theorems i may attempt to create.
9. compare newton's conjectures with leibniz's principle of sufficient reason and the identity of indiscernibles.
10. try out their bucket argument experiment. see if i can find a connection between those two principles.
11. figure out why the einsten theory vindicates the mach principle.

alas, my experiments have ultimately led me to do more research!

i ask myself this.."would math and physics be enough to lead me to the answers i seek?"

myself in the future

[absimilliard's adventures part three]

while i am still trying to figure out a way around the theory of redundancy (see theory a' redundancy), i have decided to explore the future.

i thought, maybe, the future holds the keys to the past.

so here i am, once again dialling the buttons on this time-space jumpin', law defyin', disbelief suspendin', ferrari lookin', speed a' light overtakin' beast of a machine.

knowing that i can meddle with the future in any which way i desire because the future is unstable and unpredictable, i decided to go there right away without preparations.

i traversed forwards through time to seek the answers from my future self. maybe at that time, he has found the answers i need.

i stepped outta the machine, eyes gleaming with hope, and looked around for myself, ten years from now.

i asked around. "wtf?! nobody seems to know where absimilliard is! i'm sure, with his research, he should be a very accomplished person by now. so wth is wrong with everybody? doesn't anybody know absimilliard? i mean, sonofagun! he's absimilliard! the world's beloved prodigy!"

i found one of my buddies way back ten years ago in the present day.

"my god! you haven't aged a day!", he exclaims, shocked.

"wtf are you talking about? i'm from the past. i'm looking for myself here in this future!", says me, confused.

"you disappeared ten years ago, man! everybody thinks you're dead!", says he.

"huh? this is ridiculous. c'mon, don't talk like that.", says me, weirded out.

"i ain't kidding man. i mean, this is serious shi*, bra.", says he.

"alright, let's go grab a drink. maybe we can figure out the explanation for all of this.", says me.

took us an hour until we realized..."wait a minute, you stupid absimilliard!"

"how can i find my future self if my present day self is out there looking for my future self? while i am here in the future, nobody is taking my place continuing my life living out the ten years that has passed which could lead me to find my future self?"

hmm..

i wrote everything down in my logbook, so i can better analyze the situation.

1. i travel to the future, ten years from now.
2. i look for myself in the future.
3. my future self is not in the future.
4. i will not see myself in the future.
5. there is no "me", in the future.
6. i disappeared ten years ago, the moment i went to the future.
7. nobody took my place to live out the ten years that has passed.
8. my future self, is me, currently!

good lord, the person i am looking for, is myself right now!

i'm baffled. i was hoping that the future would hold the answer for me. i ended up searching for a ghost. sigh. just when i thought i've made a breakthrough. maybe i should develop another method. maybe i'm looking in the wrong place.

theory a' redundancy

[absimilliard's adventures part two]

alright, i decided to ditch my previous experiment (see "stuck in a time loop").

then i proceeded to study the concept of travelling back in time to meddle with stuff.

y'know, to see if a tiny ripple in time could be destructive enough to disrupt the flow of energies on an entire plane of existence.

deep? nope. i don't even understand what i'm sayin'. i just came up with those words and i thought, "hey, these words make me sound intelligent! plus, it adds to my 'cool' factor! awesome!"

but yeah, it's somethin' like that.

anyway, as i was observing the ebb and flow of time without actually interfering, i happened upon a dude who has the same enthusiasm an' level of intellect that i have.

funny how he looks exactly like me. he told me his name is mars. yeah, like the planet.

"cool name. who gave you that?"

"i dunno. i just had this name. i'm actually a split personality of some dude, i just can't seem to remember his real name. can't even remember how i got separated from his persona."

"uhuh, yeah. let's talk about somethin' else, okay? yer twisting the nether regions of my brain. remind me to take a look into that particular matter, one of these days."

then we headed to the nearest bar to get somethin' to drink, to clear our minds.

we discussed about my previous experiment and he gave me some really deep insights and intellectual remarks. we also managed to come up with some theoretical probabilities and analytical assumptions.

finally, we concluded that we needed to perform an experiment, to test our theories. he agreed to become my test subject.

our experiment was, to have him travel to the past, two years before the present time, to cancel himself.

we chose two years, because he told me that he was separated from the original persona exactly two years before now, and i wanted to determine what effect it could have on him.

i logged everything i have observed, to keep track of events.

1. he traversed backwards in time two years before the present time.
2. he found himself, looking two years younger, obviously.
3. he and his dupe talked about the experiment, and the dupe, wanting to be part of science and history, willingly cooperated.
4. he done died.
5. time froze.
6. there seems to be an imbalance, i figured.
7. i went to the time before he killed the dupe, and pulled him out.

"what the hell are you doing?", says mars.
"you got stuck. i had to pull you out. seems there is an instability of some sort.", says me.

we analyzed the results of our experiment.

hmm..

enlightened, mars exclaimed "i got it! how can i kill myself in the past, knowing that if i kill myself in the past, there will not be an existing present-day me to travel back in time to kill myself in the past, right?!"

"i get your point, mars. it only means we're back to square one!", says me.

we encountered the same loop problem, that's what. seems death does help change things a bit.

an hour afterwards, we formulated the "theory a' redundancy". err.. "theory of redundancy".

int y
y = x + 1
while x < y
if x < y
x = x - y
end if
x = y
wend

somehow, we hafta find a way to overrule this theory a' redundancy.

only then, can we become gods. an' i think i just might have an idea on how to solve that.

stuck in a time loop

[absimilliard's adventures part one]

i have embarked on an incredible adventure to search for answers to be rid of this mystifying fog of confusion enveloping all thoughts and ideas. namely, the mask of eternity.

i know for a fact, that I, in my mortal state, will never be able to educe all the answers necessary to end this search.

alas, i am not god. i will never be, omniscient. pointless this journey may seem, nevertheless, i find myself exploring the deep recesses of my faculty.

i stumbled upon a thought. an hour later, my mind went apocalyptic on me. my thoughts had regrettably damaged my calm.

let me share to you my dilemma.

i'm sure we all know about the concept of time-travel.

i've come up with a rather disturbing imagery of what could happen should we discover the ability to travel through time.

what if, due to the magnificent efforts of our unrelenting scientists, we finally managed to unlock the secrets of time travel?

so here i am, dying to test this spankin' new time-space jumpin' beast i have recently obtained.

i travel to the future. "wow, the future kicks!".
and then i travel further into the future. only to find out that the future only holds death and destruction for us homo sapiens.

"hmm. the future is unstable. let me try to delve into that some other time. but first, i have to take a look into the past. because the future, is the outcropping of the past. fairly simple, really."

i performed an experiment, which, eventually, led to the mental and spiritual mayhem i am in now.

the idea was, for me to travel back in time to convince my former self that i should not travel through time.

it seemed simple at first.

knowing that venturing to the past could result in a timeless crease if not analyzed properly, i sat down and attempted to scrutinize the situation. i tried to create a picture of me and of what could possibly happen.

okay, i travel back in time to meet my former self, a year before now.
i managed to convince myself not to embark on this "would-be" idiotic adventure called "time travel". i agree that it is dangerous, and that should i reach a certain point in time wherein i would encounter the time machine, i should actively avoid it.

now comes the conflict, which completely nullifies the idea of even going backwards through time to change things.

so, if i go back in time to convince myself not to go back in time, then i will not be able to go back in time to convince myself not to go back in time because how can i go back in time if i was already convinced by my future counterpart not to go back in time?

hmm..

disturbed, i create a chronological list.

1. i went back in time.
2. i convinced myself not to go back in time.
3. i was convinced not to go back in time.
4. convinced, i will never go back in time.
5. rippled, i never went back in time.
6. conflicting, nobody convinced me not to go back in time.
7. uninformed, i still plan to go back in time.
8. result, i go back in time to convince myself not to go back in time.
9. i went back in time.

.....it's a damn loop!

i'm stuck! the journey's just started and i'm already at an impasse!

maybe i should skip that idea altogether. or maybe i should try it some other time, when i manage to formulate a more stable hypothesis.