RO an IPOV MMORPG or GCBP? WTF?

ragnarok online.

i never was a fan of massively multiplayer online rpgs (MMORPG's). although the level of immersion of such online games can be overbearing, i never see the point in it.

it's just another glorified chat-based program.

yeah it's an rpg. but it only goes so far as to hacking and slashing your way to more moolahs and stats. even the level up procedure is flawed. in traditional dungeons and dragons role playing games (not that i think the D&D system is perfect, it's still flawed and outdated), one level apart from another player character is a whole lotta difference. but with RO, there is no distinction between a level 34 and a level 37 character. and that makes the RO players stat monkeys. another thing i noticed with its system is that they charge an additional fee for the time consumed by players while they are logged in to the server. which means that while the poor fools are already paying for the internet connection, they're paying extra, just to play the game. and i don't just mean extra, i mean a whole lot more. jesus. what a sham.

funny thing about the people playing the game is that most of them are kids (of course, games cater more to the younger generation), but then these kids are taking out the money from their parents' pockets.

parents.. who are working their asses just to get their kids a decent education.

it's my fault that i do not indulge in these kinds of hobbies. honestly, i think it's just not worth my time and money. i did, try it once, just to see what the fuss was all about.

took me an hour to realize the whole thing was crap. that long. and i have an explanation for that.

see, people think the level of interaction between PC's (player characters) can never be replaced by AI. and that is because in an MMORPG, the NPC's (non-player characters) have limited functionality and they have a definite set of preprogrammed responses to PC's.

that's why they're NPC's (duh!). because they're created to respond to routine player interactions, (like the shopkeeper, or the blacksmith) because in a game.. who has time to waste ten minutes talking to a shopkeeper? why would a player, and a kid at that, do such a thing if he's too busy running around killing monsters, collecting items and leveling his small, pixelated avatar up?

anyway, a good single player game would be enough to cover all that. sure, the level of interaction will still be different than it was with an MMORPG, but, with the newer AI being equipped in games nowadays, one can barely tell the difference.

now i've done some programming myself and i know for a fact that AI talk is a fairly complex build but it is, possible, to create a subhuman AI equivalent to make up for all that chatting gamers look for in a role playing game.

plus, this subhuman counterpart can be toned (for parental control) and adjusted to be as humanly interactive as possible.

and if it still doesn't do, heck, what would you need a human chatbuddy for? it's a friggin' RPG! go find yourself some monsters to kill, or go find a colorful chatroom with neat windows and lonely asswipes to keep you company.

i guess, what i'm trying to say is.. i just find it impractical wasting resources on a ridiculous endeavor that can easily be replaced by something more compelling (gameplay-wise) but reasonably economical.

i'm saying this not because i do not like ragnarok online. i do appreciate it's grandeur. and the same goes for all the other MMORPG's in the world wide web.

it's just sad to think that most game developers have already stopped creating single player games in order to take advantage of the growing populace of massively multiplayer online gamers and sponsors.

in the end, computer gaming will be all about capitalism, and not fun.

yeah, capitalism. i should write about that too.

i found me

i keyed my name on the google search tool on a random thought.

naturally, it came up with a list of sites with the subject absimilliard. the vampire absimilliard, the egyptian warlord absimilliard, and some other same named users and characters.

fourth item on the list was my old blog service, which was prematurely terminated and continued on the same service site with the same username but with a different blog title. same content, only, updated.

and further below was another blog site which had my name and location, but i just can't remember joining that site as it wouldn't serve my purpose.

two things bother me.

i never approve of any broadcasting or exhibition, specially in major search sites. i watch what i do on the web because i am wary. i am aware of possible security issues, and i would not disclose sensitive information that would compromise my safety. i also know the rules of anonymity and i keep them on hand whenever i sign up on sites, which means i would know better than to indicate sensitive details of my person. now how did that kind of information got to the web?

my other concern is the article this other person created, in another blog service which i do not use. i checked the user out, and his information matches mine. which could mean that this person would have to be me, but.. i cannot recall any instance of signing up on that site and i definitely do not remember writing the article.

here's what the article says..

do i stay?

i am going to, certainly.

as my horoscope says, i'd be thankful for most anything in my life right now. and i am. nothing compares to the peace of mind i got after all this time.
and the people i am working with are definitely real people.

not that i don't miss the other ones.

i do. especially those people i have established as my friends.to be continued...

creeeeepy. not that i do not admire what it says, or appreciate the talent. the person who wrote this must definitely know me, or my writing style.

funny, because i am, aware of the site, and it is, a popular blog site which, as a matter of fact, does not allow users to advertise as it is strictly for private blogging. albeit it's popularity, i would not, will not, use the service, because, like i said, it will not serve my purpose, and i have no intention of expanding the stretch of my blog, mainly because one will find it difficult to keep track of two blogs, let alone four or five.

the world wide web. it has been recommended that we approach it with caution.
sends me a shiver down my spine thinking about it. it's not what the was written. it's my consummate belief that i recall not enlisting in such sites. even on anonymous sign up links, because i keep track of the pages i invest information on.

i know my memory lethe can be, at times, cumbrous, but this is different.
i know i should search a little deeper.

and in doing so, i might have a good chance to uncover an essential hidden brainstamp. one that might reveal what i've been searching for all along.

double the cool

ran into this insolent shmuck in the lift this evening.

i was waiting for the lift to open until finally, it did. there were four of us, waiting. only two were inside when the elevator door opened. one lady, and the shmuck.

we were all in a hurry to get in, and to get to our respective floors. but the sonofagun was at the elevator door, making it increasingly difficult for us to get in, 'cause we were all pushing to get inside, and he was fairly wide.

and brainless too.

didn't move an inch. he just stood there smirking. looking tough and smug.

"excuse me..", i muttered, as i bumped my shoulder against his. like it was my fault that he was in the way.

i shoulda gathered my spunk and let him have it. but i had to keep my cool.

i'd have freaked, but didn't.

after all the aggravation, hostility and inconvenience that i had to endure over the course of my misadventures, i'm on to a whole new level of cool.

i have a legendary calm. the goddamn doofus.

i didn't pay him any mind on accounta' he's worthless.

he was staring at his reflection and making annoying faces, escalating the vexation of the people inside the lift. i swallowed so much huff staring at this caustic individual.

finally, his floor came on. the bell rang.

he must have been so much into his obnoxiousness that he forgot that the elevator door does not open immediately after the bell.

he rammed his face flat.

what an idiot!

ahahahahahahahahahahaha.
hahahahahahahahahahahaha.
excuse me. sorry. ahahahahahahahaha.

i laughed at him. i laughed hard. i laughed in his face.

ahahahahahahahahahahaha.
hahahahahahahahahahahaa.

f*** you! ahahahahahahahahahaha!

he just looked down and walked out as fast as he could.

tough guy isn't so tough after all. so much for his act.

world's fulla sick people.

mortal psyche

if i only had my memories back.

i will learn from them, that i may look back and think before i arrive to a decision.

i will realize my mistakes and avoid committing them over again. i'd use them to shape my life, become whole again, and not live in such a small world, knowing only a few things about myself and others.

i'd be more wise, and intellectual, being able to recall the lessons i've learnt and the knowledge i've accrued through experience and doctrine.

i'd recall the names and faces of people i've known, and ask for forgiveness. that i may be able to find my old friends, and reminisce about our adventures and all the fun moments we've had together.

i'd dwell on them, that i may relive happy moments and cherish the miraculous experiences i've had with all the individuals i've shared my life with. in doing so, i will have more reasons for living, and that i won't have to live in the dark, and that when i close my eyes, it will still be as bright as ever, seeing all that i've lived for, totaling the purpose of my life.

had i my memories back.

i'd remember the events that led me to situations, that i would easily conceive, when i think back, what the appropriate action is, to arrogate amnesty. that i may trust myself, knowing that everything is a reflex of my actions, which will lead me to my peace of mind, and freedom, from this caged psyche.

that i may forgive myself, armed with the knowledge of the roots of my transgressions, and that i'd recognize the importance of things and have an idea about the value of the people i have in my life.

that i will not be left out and alienated during reunions, and that i'd be able to actually relate to their stories and not conjure my replies on skin-deep memories and laugh as much as they do. thus, i do not have to pretend that i understand what the others are really talking about.

i'd pray, with indomitable faith, knowing that i am the embodiment of my actions, and that i need not blame anybody, and that i may ask for forgiveness, and be happy, knowing that everything will turn out right in the end.

if only i had, my memories back, it'd be cosmic, but i only have a memory of having memories.

oceans of hurt

came across this article i wrote years back as i rummaged through my old blogs. i'm consolidating my blogs into three major ones, and getting rid of the others, to limit the brain work when i'm on the net.

...

i'm hurtin'.

god, i'm hurtin'. i'm miffed.

i've lost somebody dear to me. and i'm afflicted. i'm trapped inside a world of hurt.

i lose. i'm a loser. i lost her. she let go of me. and even then, sincere words and passionate mouthfuls cannot sway her. especially, her.

i find it hard to express the amount of emotional frustration and heartache i am feeling as of the moment. after pouring epic amounts of thought and taking on what seemed like an endless barrage of chagrin, i'm almost about to freak.

it's my pride. it's killing me.it could've been perfect. it could've been wonderful, and sweet, and passionate, and beautiful. but i missed something somehow. i missed a lot of things, actually.

and it burns. i'm burning deep inside. it pains me to know that i've lost the person i thought i was looking for in this life.

but then again, maybe she wasn't her, because if she was, she wouldn't have left me.

i wanted to tell her how i'm sorry. for being a jerk. for being unreal. for being a total loser. and for not showing how i feel by keeping cold and indifferent.

but the thing is, i do appreciate what she's been trying to do for me. i do, feel strongly for her. i guess it is, too late, to admit that i truly love her.

it hurts realizing i am at fault for such a regrettable loss. now i know that even a heart as cold as mine can melt. just when i thought i can love again.

i know i'll heal. and i'll heal pretty fast. but right now, i'm hurtin' plenty. there's a hole in my soul, it's a real big place, and it's killing me forever.

i do realize that once i do heal, i'll probably come out stronger, but a lot more angrier and i will hate aplenty.

and so.. here's to you. my thanks, for making an angry man angrier. good luck, and i hope you find what you're looking for.

i'm neck deep in an ocean of hurt. and i don't think i'll ever find the shore.

god, it hurts.